My Magic Faded After my Miscarriage

Good afternoon Witches,

This is a letter to my readers to open up about my real life events on things that are happening with me and honestly where I’ve been these last several months. I didn’t drop off the face on the earth on purpose. I promise. Life as just been more complicated then normal.

The past few years the month of July has not been a good month for me. I honestly feel like it’s giving me a lot of depression because of it. July of 2020 I suffered a still birth of my daughter. July of 2021 I suffered a missed miscarriage and had to have a medical abortion because my body would not pass what was left. I was devastated. I kept thinking, “Why me?” “Why can’t I get this right?”

I was older at this point, I’d already had two successful pregnancies and went through two successful births in my early and mid twenties now in my early thirties this was no longer the case. I wanted more then anything to experience motherhood again and in the darkness of my mind, I felt as if I never would. Like I was doomed to be broken forever.

It was horrifying and I felt like I was trapped in an endless cycle I seriously could not get out of no matter how hard I tried. I felt like I couldn’t trust my intuition anymore. I began to live in my shadow self and ask questions of my craft, my spirituality and my darker parts of my ego really started to get ahold of me.

I would think “If, I can’t trust my body and what’s going on how can I tell my clients to trust their physical bodies?”

“How did I not know? I’m supposed to be a psychic medium.”

The reality is logically neither of those experiences were my fault. I did everything right as best as I could. But, it still happened. Unfortunately sometimes what spirit/the universe has to show you about your womb and the journey to motherhood is that it is not always easy. It’s not always everything you wanted it to be.

As a result of this I really struggled to get back into the swing of things, mentally, physically, as a psychic medium, as a writer. I’d over extend myself, start projects I couldn’t finished. I had zero balance in my life, and I myself was in inward shit show, even though it looked like I had it together.

I found myself taking a step back, no longer was I hustling on social media to be “seen”. I had zero desire to be heard even on issues I was and still am passionate about. So, for the past seven and a half months I’ve been quite. Growing on the inside and the outside. Looking at things for myself and truly trying to align with what is supposed to be for me.

Going forward I’m making an effort to be more present on this site. To also present to you guys what it’s like for me as a tarot reader and writer on this blog. The realness. I hope you enjoy this and find some of this relatable and follow along.

Wishing you the best of days,

Alexa

Affirmations for Today:

My past trauma does not define me. It helps me see the light.

I am beautiful, I am one with my body, I can trust my inner self.

What I’m listening too today: